..What I want in love..

Dunno what's up with me but I decided to post this anyway..:

What do I want in a guy?Even in my guy friends!

1. Sincere truthful
2. Loving
3. Doesn't take advantage
4. No bad habits aka, picking the nose, scratching zits and all that crap
5. no Smelly BO
6. No No No smoking
7. Always hugs me when my tears flow
8. A little fashionable.. lol
9. Doesn't suffer from peer pressure
10. Brutally honest! :) That's bout it, all the traits in XX, now I lost him...so well..nothing but good memories huh? So..nevermind then..

..~**~..me and you, forever always..~**~..

I guess, time will heal the gnawing pain I feel nowadays whenever I hear XX's name, and seeing him with Jocelyn. The pain is still raw, although it does not hurt to poke at it. I love him, and I know I forever will...maybe..when the time comes, I will have the courage to invite someone else into my heart again. May that whoever person be as sweet as honey, as kind as XX, as honest as the day's sun and as magical as the most magical things. I promise to never hurt you, I promise to trust you, I promise to love you forever and ever, eventhough the suns turn mouldy and the rain pours, through thunder and rain, you will always be a part of me..<3

the perfect guy I wish for everyday of my life..

I know that every girl has a fated partner, if so, how come does my partner take so long to appear?! Am I fated to be unlucky in love? Love is like a drug, without it, you can't survive, with it, heartache comes sooner or later...ugh!

I created my own version of what I think about love it is very dear to my heart and I hope you like it! Leave me a comment if necessary...

Losing you....(about my breakup with you know..him..)

Finally the pain of loving you is gone,

Although the mark still stays like a bruise,

Reminding me of how silly I've been,

Falling in love wasn't as easy as I thought,

Love isn't as simple as a child's game,

Finally, I realise, heartache and pain ,

Soon it will come with crashing force,

Crushing all thoughts away,

Only the thought of breakup is painful and raw.

Life must still go on,

Eventhough I still see your face in my mind's eye,

Your light sweet feather kisses on my lips,

The thought of you leaving becomes harder to bear,

More painful than anything else,

Like a cut that wouldn't heal,

A wound so deep only time can mend.

As days, hours, minutes and seconds pass by,

I remember the good memories of our relationship,

The warmth of your hand in mine,

As well as the soothing wind as we sway,

This things I have ignored until now,

Because time just seem to stop then,

Now as I think back about my previous times,

I wonder if you were just an illusion of my thoughts, an echo of a nightmare.

Did you love me the way I did?

If you were to ask me a question, I would say yes to all,

Because I wanted to please you and only you,

For you were the only one who existed then,

Now as seconds filter and minutes pass,

I remember the memories that must last,

Losing you was hard to bear,

But the memories are always there,

For me to cherish and keep close to my heart,

With a key to a soul that will never part,

My memories of you will always remain,

Although you have left forever and the times we spent,

Would just be a painful echo of sweet memories, a bitter failure and many others,

The love that we cherished was our first, let it not be our last.

The pitfalls+crushes=crushed...

I was never ever crushed before for I was too shy to be crushed...Lol...anyway...a lot of people get crushed sometimes, that is just simply the path of life. In our life, their is always ups and downs, left and right is always going in a complete circle, a roundabout. You shouldn't abondon life when it doesn't go your way because life is always a surprise, don't go and check your death date or your future bride or bridegroom, for it might bring early heartache and pain. Life is not perfect most of the time because if life was perfect, why must we live life? Life is painful, yes I know, I've been through it a lot, a lot of times, lemme tell you...Life is harsh and sometimes downright brutal, but at the end of the day, we have to pick ourselves up and carry on, that is the only way. Life is like a thing to be cherished, you are a part of it, enjoy and cherish that part, so that you will leave a mark wherever you may be...

Love somehow has never blessed me properly yet but afterall I am only 13 years old, I should feel thankful that I had a steady(well quite) boyfriend of 5 months or so. It was great while it lasted and I am not that heart broken. I feel better of with him as friends. Love has blessed me in different ways however, for example, I got dozens and billions of goood gooood gooooooood friends who always encourage me to move on and hold my head up high. No pimples to block my view, I'd say my life is fair enough, my clear complexion is proof of that! Lol. Guys, check your faces too, I suggest a proper mud mask or a facial! Lol. Cucumbers aren't that bad my dears, they are also edible at the end of the day! Yum, yum, yum. Although I like cucumbers fried with onions and button mushrooms....yummy!

Yum Yum Yum!!! I am getting so hungry now!!! Lol! Byeeee

Simple joys of living..

Simple simple joys

The sun is shining,
The birds are chirping,
And I look forward to a brand new day,
Full of fun and adventure all around.

The air is fresh,
And my eyes are bright,
The grass is smooth,
Beneath my feet.

The morning dew,
Drips down from leaves,
Leaving a small wet patch,
On the grassy meadow.

As birds flock around,
And the skies turn red,
I skip back home,
And go to bed,

But I always know,
The next day is always new,
A twinkling star,
Is always there forever and ever.

Just like our favourite warm sun,
And our pouring streams,
And the cooling rain,
On our skin.

This simple joys of life,
Would always go on,
Even when time stops,
The flowers will still bloom again.

The world is a better place with smiles,
Which brightens up the place better than a sun,
A shy smile or a cheerful grin,
Is better than a bottle of soda which fizzes within.

As the sun now heats our skin,
We remind ourselves about global warming,
Is it fair to treat the world so harshly,
When the world is so kindly?

Would you want to save the world,
From this horrible postioning?
A simple act can help,
You don't need to fork out money for a simple act would do,

Just recycle your paper,
And reuse it again,
Or if not throw the paper into the recycle bin,
It isn't hard, even a baby can do it,

A simple act with a kind heart,
Is all the world needs,
To go on living,
And give us the simple joys of life that brightens out days of breathing.

This is about global warming and I hope you like the poem. A bit crappy, I know, but that's the best I can do!!!! :) Lol. enjoy and please remember the three R's!!!

XX, it is completely OVER..

Don't think I am a drama queen okay?! I definitely 100% HATE him, okay? So what. He may wanna be my promdate well, I don't give a damn! Okay I know he likes a girl called Jocelyn. Anyway I have a new bf in tow I think, so I was like so what all over again. Lol. It came out of the blue actually. Suddenly, I knew he liked Jocelyn and I was like "oh..okay..nevermind." I just shed one tear! Only one! And it came out because I forced the tear too. Lol again. But I still got my playful, playboy, Chris or rather Qiang, to help me out. Haha! Okay so...I know you all will be thinking why suddenly I have no absolute feelings over XX. It was just like I never ever liked him before. Sweat right? I guess that what love does to you...makes you sort of muddled and confused....Love....oh...stupid wretched love...

Love

In a flicker of an eyelid,
I felt a trigger in my heart,
A trigger that ignited the fire deep down inside,
A fire that burned for the first thing called, love.

I was a foolish naive person,
And my eyes were clouded with desperation,
My lips spit out saliva,
And I hunger for your warmth.

But is this love I call?
Or a destined approach to a dangerous path?
Love is a sweet wonderful thing not a feeling of need and lust,
I am sure this is not love I am feeling just a shadow of desire.

Shadow Life( for you, you, you and you know what? YOU!)

Shadow Life.. a sweet song by me of course! I will sing the rhythm in school 4 u guys if you like it!

Darkness hides my sadness,
My gloomy gloomy days,
My eyes cloud in fear as I though of the day ahead,
How I wish the pain could end.

Even just for one day,
I wouldn't mind being able to fly,
Feeling the breeze on my face,
Instead of the dark shadows clouding me.

How I wish I could escape all this and just disappear one day,
With no one following me at all,
How I wish I knew how it was like to be free like a bird,
Instead being trapped in my shadow or darkness.

Do you remember the sweet songs of childhood?
Where rhymes flow as sweetly as a caramel stud,
As my eyes well up
And my mind wanders,

I just wanted to let you know,
I love you..I just love you like hell,
But I know you don't know cause I am invisible, only to you,
Cause I am just a friend, a helping hand not more than that.

If you only knew how much I fell for you,
I wondered what you would say?
Would I still be a shadow from yesterday?
Or yesterday's stale coffee, left in the heat?

I fear rejection,
I fear death,
I fear coldness,
I fear you left.

My tears evaporates the moment you come,
And everything falls into place,
Even yesterday's newspaper comes again,
The whole world is chaos since you came back into my life.

So just admit it,
Am I a shadow?
Am I an idiot?
Or am I just invisible?

I knew I am just a shadow,
A shadow,
A shadow,
A shadow from your life.

If you were to pluck a page of my life,
You would know how much I am hurting inside,
It hurts not to say,
What is happening all over again..

looks+playfulness=hmm..a promdate perhaps?

Some of my good buds my be wondering why I can go online,lol. It is because of my luck with my moms labtop. So here I am. And I am updating. I know this may be boring as I keep on talking about him only. Hee hee hee. So bear with me, for you may not see me for a very longgg time. Haha. So continuing...

I was in tuition the other day(friday) and I was trying not to be hurt by the non syllabic cold looks I was getting from my usually sweet mild mannered XX. I got a little pissed and I started talking to my friend about a totally fakeeee prom. Haha. I am EVIL lol I know... XX got all interested especially when I said the part "No one wants to be my date to the prom..."I suddenly felt an instant touch on my leg. I looked down and I saw XX's leg withdrawing away from my leg. My eyes met his for a short moment and I turned away, blushing obviously. My friend giggled uncontrolablly next to me and I controlled my restraint to tell her to shut up. Then after that, he started acting like the old XX I know, always cracking jokes and smiling that puppy dog smile at me. (to Nick, hey dude, sorry if I keep on yabbing about him larrr..I just can't help it)

Okay now skipping to school, canteen time, I was busy digging into my sambal. Yum Yum Yum. That was in my nasi lemak. I groaned when I saw XX standing or more appropriately, queueing up to buy his food, directly opposite me!!!! I choked on my sambal, thus causing major eye water disorder. I had to choke down some water to soothe my throat that was burning horribly in pain. Michelle my ever careful observer giggled and told me that he was looking at me. I blushed at that but I didn't acknowledge his stare. I seriously felt like giving him a hugeeeeeeee hug and squeeze him until all his air holes pop out.. Seriously.. And you know what?! When the rest of the guys were making double lines, he was consistently standing opposite of me, his gaze on me..

Continuing...Lol! Sorry if it is quiteeee long! Okay, so I was heading back to class after the bell rang. I saw XX heading my way and I felt my familiar heart flutterin sensations that causes me to act all weird with my friends. The freaky thing is when I go i front of him, his friends start pushing him like hell. When Qi en or Mun goes in front they stop. Poor XX, he was trying his best not to bang into me and I had to brake suddenly if not I would have a MAJOR kissing collision. Lol...Could his friends know about me liking him or the other way around? Hmmm...
Can't answer that! Only fate can! :) So I won't be able to go online these days...Sorry!!! I will see you after exams then... Ciao! Happy studying! <3 all my good fwenzzz. Xoxo, Jade.

Rhyme+emotions=a poem!

A poem for a gooooood friend...:D

I had to turn away,
I had to close my eyes,
For I had to stop the tears coming from my eyes,
I had a fight and I knew I wasn't right.

And I couldn't help it.
I just felt so wrong,
My heart just wasn't strong,
Our friendship has now broken like an angel's wing.

The pain is stronger than ever,
Although now I feel slightly better,
For I all not to blame on this matter,
So what do you think of me after I left you in this tremor?

Do you feel better or are you as confused as me,
Do you still be my friend or a shadow of the former me,
I know friends fight but this one seems more serious than before,
But I know our bond is stronger eventhough it hasn't been spoken at all.

I know we can pull through,
For I see a silver lining,
I feel the friendly vibes from our memories of smiling,
And you're the reason I'm still breathing.

And that will never ever change,
Eventhough I may be old and married,
And my face not the same,
You'll always be my reason to continue breathing and living.

I treasure you like the air,
For without you I can't breathe,
You're the reason I believe in life,
And continue smiling eventhough my life does reek,

Our bond is still strong
And forever it'll be the same,
You, my friend are a part of me,
And you can always be

You'll always be the pride in my life,
And no one will ever change that,
I now picture a smile when you see my face,
Loving me eventhough we weren't the same.

That's why I love you,
And your smiles with your silly jokes,
You'll be in my mind till my last breath

..simple things in life..

Okay, I wanna dedicate this to Nick and also my other friends larrr. *rolls eyes* This is about well...something. It is something I created at the spur of the moment, so don't expect it to be good lar.


If you need a friend

If you are sad and down,
And you need someone to hold onto,
Just crawl out and find a friend.
Eventhough the skies maybe dark and your mouth down.

But still your friend can cheer you up,
Do you know how to find a true friend?
A friend like you, a friend who cares, a friend who lifts you up when you're sad,
So find a friend, if you need one, you need a friend.

So eventhough the wind may be bitter and nasty,
You heart may beat so badly,
If you need a friend...
Oh just a friend..

What if your friend leaves you, down and cold,
Just climb back up and leave them alone,
So you just found a friend,
A very true friend.

Friends leave you alone when you are sad,
Because you need time to cry,
Friends love you no matter what you are,
Although they still love you when you are gone.

Through rain and shine, a friend will always be true
If the friend you found is true to you,
A friend is a friend when they don't say it out loud,
And don't dump you when you are in deep shit.

So do you know who are your friends?
When you fall they will pick you up,
They won't leave you alone in the dark,
The watch with you sappy shows that no one does.

And encourages you to do dangerous rows,
For a friend in need is a friend indeed,
For a friend is an angel,
A guardian when you lost you way,
A guiding pole when you can't see,
And also an angel just for thee.... (Lol)

A very full bottle+a car full of guys=a water fight!

I keep cracking up when I write this. The day turned out not to be soooo bad, eventhough my feelings are so jumbled up. The guys in my car (3 of them) were laughing and giggling when I entered and I just ignored them, not knowing what was waiting for me up ahead. I sat in my usual seat after squashing the guy's head in front of me like as though he was a coconut before I could get my seat behind him. The guy in front of me(Qiang something larrrr...I don't look at his chest for his nametag..Lol!) I sighed loudly as he began to sing the stupid song, as usual, That is not my name, that's not my name, they call me sexy, they call me Jade. I was like urgh lar. What the hell lar wei....I banged his chair in front and then he chuckled a little. I couldn't help but smile as well when he created his own song for me. The whole car errupted in laughter and the transporter couldn't help but join in the fun too.

Groaning loudly when he leaned back and continued singing with a sorprano like voice. I rolled my eyes at him and stuck out my tongue, mimicking him perfectly. His friend grinned at him and Qiang pretended to be shocked. I ignored him pointedly and looked out of the window. He started humming the song and I rolled my eyes again. "If you don't stop, you are so going to be squashed tuna!" I said fiercely and he mockingly turned his mouth into a comical 'O'. That did it, I took out my water tumbler and squirted some water at him and then...fu-yoh! A hugeeeeeee water fight errupted with me getting dosed by his water and me squirting him me with his water. I looked at my uniform and giggled all of a sudden when I noticed I was drenched. The guy gave up and held up his hand for a high-5. A sign of a truce. I laughed and squirted my water at his shocked face. He gulped a little of the water as he was laughing so much and he gave a playful growl. I dodged his hand as he tried to swipe my bottle. His friend helped him to take my bottle and poured away all my water!!!!!!! I gasped loudly and growled menacingly at them, making them dissolve into laughter again. My mouth twitched a little as I grabbed the empty bottle back from him. And he mockingly made crying sounds. I whacked his head with my bottle and he started howling pula. I was retching with laughter by now and all the guys just cracked up when Qiang started singing.

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't wanna be your boyfriend, Eventhough you like me, hey, hey, you, you, I don't want you, since you are so violencey.

I was shocked at that song and I began whacking him all over again, playfully lar. I completely forgotten his bottle had a lotttttt of water left and I looked up when his voice shot through my head like an arrow, "Hey, you know I still got a lot offf wattttteeeerrr! I am going for a direct hit!" He yodeled as he poured the water down my hair. I was now completely drenched from top to bottom and I blushed in anger. I sat back at my chair and pummeled him as he shouted in laughter. His friends all wolf whistled and that subdueded me a little. I was mortified when he left the car while singing the stupid that's not my name song. Urgh! What a horribly wet day, although I have to admit, was quite fun in a way. Lol!

I thought we broke up? Or am I just paranoid?

This is for you XX, if you think I am a jerk, well you are a BIGGER one, lolz. Well anyway, if you are trying to confuse me, you are really doing it. I love you eventhough I am the one who broke up with you. Funny right? So anyway, continuing...--->>>>>>>> Urgh! XX I thought I made it clear, we BROKE UP. Can't you understand that? If you do, then why each time I pass by, your eyes will meet my, and then you'll turn away. XX, what are you trying to say to me???? You masterbaited your friend and now you are giving me that puppy dog eyes of yours?! What the hell lar XX, if you are trying to mess up my heart..you are certainly doing a good job. Tears now fall from my eyes as I write this in hope you might...well...ya know...whatever lar. I sound pathetic anyway.

I hate you for messing up my life, but I love you for loving me for that measly two weeks. I don't know what I am feeling now, it is just a mixture of my emotions. Confusion, heartbroken, sadness and despair as well...Just tell me once and for all XX, what the HELL, is your problem. Tell me okay? Just tell me...but eventhough...I am so messed up, I still like to write this song, that describe my feelings. Don't sing along if you get too ill. Lol.... :D To my friends: Thanks for sticking with me through this times, I love you guys! Forever and ever!

Confused feelings..<3>

I look past your shoulder,
I miss your smiling face,
Your eyes met mine and you turned away,
And I wondered what happened to us..

We used to be good friends,
You were angel too,
Your eyes glittered warmed everyday and I love you,
Though now our bond is broken, my heart is still with you.

What did you do to me?
Now my feelings are all jumbled,
Like clothings in a machine,
And softly I whisper your name.

I did everything I could,
To keep you satisfied,
But my effort wasn't just enough,
Now as my eyes tear, my feelings deter away.

So what do you want me to do?
Do you want a want a more popular girl?
I am afraid that won't happen,
As I just won't let you go.

Love isn't just for two,
Love is a thing for me and you,
Without love what is there to be useful,
So love isn't just a game for two.

What are thinking now?
When I walked past, you were holding head in your hands,
Probably thinking bout me,
But I did everything I could, and I can't do more.

So please just leave this way,
It will be easier for me,
If you ignored in anyway,
I would be hurt at first, but pain fades away..

And I did everything I could,
Just to make you feel like before,
So what did you say, just say it again,
I love you, I just love you.

Do you see the changing skies,
And the way skies turn blue,
Part of me will always be with you,
So love me again..love me like before.

I thought I was stronger, but it seems so weird,
The way I always look at you,
At times where I am talking,
Everything seems to be connected, to you.

But isn't the same for you?
Or am I just invisible...to you...
Am I just a shadow, walking by your side,
Am I just an echo of your past.

Would you love again?
If I loved you the same,
Or would you just turn away...and let me be this way.
And I love you...oh, I love you.

Though I am just so invisible, like my name,
Invisible,
Invisible,
To you...

Man I suck at rhyming a song...anyway...if you ever see this XX, I still love you like hell...please forgive me...and let us be the same as before...

My worried friend+super hot day=very grumpy me ^^

I was practically melting at school on Friday. I was like screaming for water in my head. I just couldn't stand it! Urghhhhhh...the weather was so hottttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My water also finish. Man! What a time to finish my water supply. And I was like storing my water intact like a camel in the desertttttt....I was like dying of thirst. And then, went back home, like normal. Mom was like nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag and nag. And I just went yes, yeah, no prob, uh huh, yeah, nope, wtf?, okay, yea yea, right on, righteo! and more...

Then suddenly Bang! my friend came up to me blabbing a bunch of crap I couldn't understand so I was like. "what cha sayin lar dude?" and she was like. "Nevermind, tell you next Mon," I was furious! Monday! Who can wait until Monday?! Urgh..........dude this sucks. I mean, ever since I posted the thing about Jun Lai, I keep picturing his face in my head. Lolz. Anyway, I just have to wait until Monday. Hmph. To find out what my sweet darling Cherry wants. Lol again. Hahaz. Good night everyone. I am not tired, just damn bored. So... ciao. Post soon.

xoxo, Jade Tan(aka the special Love counseller)

Right now, I love you. Surprised? Don't be.

The soft steady beat of the rain lulled me to a stressful sleep. I woke up with pespiration running down my face. I was awake definitely. I could taste the musty fusty dusty air around me which was emitting from my moth rotten closet. I clambered up from my stiff perch and felt my frozen eyes which were aching from the tears I split a few hours ago. My crush liked another person, so what? I told myself unconvincingly as I murmured a few desolate curse words under my breath, quite fluently too for a etiquette school going girl. I sighed and let my curtain of black hair cover my eyes. I could remember the way he had looked at my friend earlier made me want to hurl at him and vent my anger out. All this while I was blinded, blinded to see that he and my friend were dating each other. I sighed and dug out my old bunch of video tapes and found one old dusty video tape about me when I was a small child, growing up with my cousins and friends. Curiousity overwhelmed me as I sat down next to video player and inserted the disk. Immediately, a volley of happy laughter drifted from the speakers that were by the telly. I sat on my beanie bag/couch seat and enjoyed the short but brief happy moment of my childhood.

A grin formed on my tear streaked cheeks when I saw myself disturbing my cousin with a garter worm. My cousin screamed out loud and I laughed at how cute I looked when I was in my pigtails. I paused the video tape as a cheeky but interesting idea loomed on me. I picked up my hairbrush and combed my hair down. I took two purple hair-ribbons and braided my hair up. I looked absolutely ridiculous. I sighed and took the ribbons out, feeling quite ridiculous as I watched my video tape of my life over and over again.

Slowly, bit by bit, my sadness started to ebb away and I was laughing at the funny clips of me playing in my kiddie-pool my mum filled for me. I sighed my eyes misty and I turned of the clip. I threw my remote control aside and perched at my window again and looked outside the window. I saw my pet brother walking by and I waved at him, my void of sadness replaced by a bright glistening, blinding sort of happiness as I picked up my backpack, and chased after my pet bro in my trusty tricycle which belonged to my little cousin sister. I wobbled dangerously on the tricycle and my pet bro giggled. I grinned back and I waved him to a slow halt. "Heyyyy." I murmured as he hopped of his bicycle. He invited me to seat on the backseat of his bike and I agreed. I held his waist tightly as he cycled through all my favourite places. My warm head rested on his back as he rhythmatically cycled round and round the whole area.

He was soon exhausted and I smiled at him as he dropped me back at my house. "Don't think I didn't know about you-know-who, Jade," he told me seriously as his eyes met mine. I smiled briefly for a split second and I kissed his cheek. I felt a sort of wetness around his cheek and I frowned. "hmmm...I thought guys weren't supposed to cry?" I asked tentatively as I hugged him. His arms fell easily around me and he sniffed a little bit, obviously laughing now. "Well this guy does." He joked when I let go of him. Strangely enough, my worry, my sadness all disappeared after I saw my pet bro. How I vaguely wished my new crush whoever it might be, would be as kind as him. Suddenly his eyes grew serious and my heart quickened a little. I sort of knew what was coming but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was undecided.

"I had a crush with you since you became my sister. I love you more than a sister Jade. Do you love me too?" He asked, stammering a little as my flushed face was all he saw. I looked at him straight in the eye and said the words I regretted the most until now. "I love you but I don't love you like that, Mr. Fang Jun Lai." I said slowly my hesitation clearly not showing. I actually loved him but I thought he was pulling a prank on me. I was too blinded. Jun Lai's sweet brown eyes didn't meet mine as he cycled away on his bike, and I never saw him again...

Note: If you think it is all fake, it is not okay? <3>

My love, my song, for you, my friend..<3

You must be snorting with laughter at the title but believe me, losing my XX was extremely painful and the courage it took me to utter the words that will haunt me forever in my dreams to him is now a shadow of my past. If you are thinking my love for him was an irritating block of my life, you are quite right. I can't believe what I saw in him. I still have a piece of him in my heart although that part now is partially locked up and sealed tight. I want to dedicate this short poem to my friends who hung on my foolish ways till today, my own special love song for them, hopefully I might sing it for you someday, when I have the courage. (lol)

My Love song, for you, my friend,

You lifted me up,

When I was weak,

You held me up,

And gave a smile to see.

This somehow comforted me..,

I love your grin,

I miss your smile,

Though the days have gone by.

I still see your face,

In my vision,

Your perfect smile and my love song,

For you, my friend.

The day you left me,

Was the worst day of my life,

My eyes turned dull and my life went bleak,

And I tumbled on my thoughts.

I needed you, to be my friend again,

Why you left me? Why you let me be?

Is it because of love or treachery.

I wouldn't want to know, you keep it to yourself I just want you to come back and be my friend, be my lovely friend.

I remember the ways shined when I smiled and make a rhyme,

You were there as my friend,

My only, only friend

You were my stand when I was down and sad

You were my armour that blocked all my fears.

When you left, you took a part of me, a part me with you.

So don't leave me,

Leave when we are gone,

Love me, for the way I am,

Forgive me if I done anything wrong, because I love you as my friend

So come back, just come back,

I will try to be me again,

I lost my comfort and my will to live,

So come back and give me back the piece that was missing from me.

If you still want to leave me after you heard this song,

I will find you again,

In my world of dreams,

And hopefully, you will still be my friend,

My only, only friend.

You must be crying with laughter or hogged by emotions but this is the way I feel about my friends. I can't bear if any of you left me. I would be a wreck. So just stay, and we will always be friends. <3

True Love? Maybe...or not..<3

"aw man! You know I missed saying I love you to Saj and Mun just now!" I would grumble whenever I exitted my school. A sinking feeling would overwhelm me like a huge tidal wave and I am left speechless. Like Wow! That is why friends love each other, they understand each other. It sucks you know when your friend loves you but how you just wish that your boyfriend or girlfriend was as sweet and caring as your friend. My friends often grumble to me about their mishaps in love. I am not surprised nor profoundly shocked at their stupid love quests.

Quest 1:

This girl, Georgie, fell in love with a guy in her tuition who constantly looks at her. She asked the guy in curiousity. "Why do you constantly look at me?" Georgie asked and the guy hooted with snorts of laughter. "Does it look that way? I am cross eyed!" the guy replied. Come on, what a quest for a supposed relationship.

Quest 2:

A guy looked out of his window earnestly as he saw his girlfriend skimming past in her bicycle. He waved and blew sweet kisses at the girl and the girl smiled at him. The guy let out a short chuckle and reminiscised how sweet his life was. He perched by his window and watched as his girlfriend went hobbling into a drain nearby. Before he could react, a hero came along in his upside down underpants(not really) and rescued his girlfriend and kissed her. The guy frozed with shock when his girlfriend responded to the hero in upside down underpants (lol) kissed her. The guy, revolted went down and punched the 'hero' up. The hero fell down, died, and the guy was charged with murder.

Note this the guy did not only get a death penalty, he got love dumped.

Does any of this sound freakishly familiar? My love quest is something like the love quest no. 2. Sucks right...It hurts. Yeah it hurts. The pain is so dull in my heart until I almost can't feel it. But it is there, definitely. The throbbing pain is there. I am sure of it. Stupid XX.

Wherever you are XX don't think you are the greatest after you stole my heart and threw it away. I don't forgive and neither do I forget about what you have did to me. XX I know no one will have a future with you. I was stupid to think otherwise.

No eye contact+masterbait=useless boyfriend

Does he love me? I asked myself tentatively as I sighed and placed my small head in my heavy BM book. Tears started to cloud my eyes as I remembered his gentle soft hand on mine when I studied. Curiously enough my best subject was BM! Lolz. I am now wondering why leh. Everytime I go for tuition, all I see is his warm eyes turned to mine and the way his eyes met mine on the first time he recognized me. Sweet old memories washed me as I just stared at my BM book. My teacher thought I was studying and smiled at me. My smile didn't quite reach my eyes as my friend droned on beside me. XX looked at me with his special puppy dog eyes but this time I just didn't feel anything. My heart felt hollow from emotion. I felt used betrayed and most of all unloved. My gloominess just sank deeper when he looked at my friend with that special eyes which were reserved for me. My eyes flashed with fury and I almost slapped him right in his face. How I wish I had a good guy who I can really really depend on. A caring, sweet, sensible, slightly reckless, something like me, understands me, and most of all doesn't fall for other girls when he is dating me. I don't think I even mind if the guy was short! Urgh......how do you find true love? Does it suddenly appear? Right now I am just heartbroken. I am crying like hell now so please talk to me like usual because I have been broken since morning until now. My day seems to get worse.

Courtesy to Nick: You know what, dying seems quite peaceful now for me. Lolz. Though I haven't seen much of my life yet. Lol Lol Lol Lol. I guess life is a sock and right now, I am just upside down. :)

Petty arguments+itchy eyes=a horrible Friday

I am in a solid down mood. Urgh. All my friends had a super big fight and now we are looking sideways at each other. urgh again. Two of my good friends who inspire me to be ever good and my enthusiastic loving self is now happy since I made my BFF cry. I was half happy and half disgruntled. Even sweet old Cherry went back early. She didn't stay to hear my problems. I guess sweet old usual happy-go-lucky Nick saw through my whole ploy of itchy eyes. Congrats to you Nick, I didn't manage to fool you.

Even my sweet old XX ignored me like hell at tuition today and preferred to masterbait his friend instead of talking to me. Even as moody as I am, I am going to dedicate a song to all my broken up friendships with my friends. I call it...

A horrible friday

I had a fight,
It didn't end well and my eyes turned light,
My body floated and my eyes weeped,
Tears of sorrow, tears of loss

That is why today is a, horrible Friday,
My friends and I were secretive before,
Now was just the last straw,
It happened today it happened now.

That is why today is my horrible Friday,
I tried to say my point and the words came out wrong,
I was blind and I was wrong,
How I wished I could set things right and see it her way,

And hopefully we will be friends again,
Fights come in and out like winter and autumn,
But then again friendship doesn't hit rock bottom,
I hope my words didn't tear your heart

Like how you tore mine.
I didn't mean to make you feel this way,
I was clouded and hurt at that day,
I hope you forgive me and just call today, a horrible Friday.

I will listen more carefully next time, if there will ever be,
A next time for you and me,
I love you Saj and Mun and I always will,
I am prepared to call today just another horrible Friday.

Let your hate for me build up like a wall,
For I will never forget my fall,
The words "I will think" that described our crumbling friendship,
Ousted my courage and my will to flip.

My anger is gone and so are yours,
I am ready to forget my faults,
If you and I can sort this out together,
I am prepared to call today, just a horrible Friday.

This is dedicated to Saj and Siew Mun and hopefully our friendship will remain the same. This poem or song I dedicate to both of you as well as Qi En who muddled in our fight too. I love you and I always will. xoxo. Jade

laughter+sickness=medicine

I was quite ill as I sniffled my way towards my desk attracting dozens of stares from students. I scowled lowly at them and turned back to Michelle who smiled slowly at me. I grinned back at her for a brief moment. I sighed and slumped on my desk my arms sagging as my things dropped to the floor with a thump. Weiqi helped me pick up my things with her eyebrows slightly raised. I heaved another sigh and placed my heavy throbbing head in my hands. I hated it when I was ill. I felt as though my head was stuffed with a wad of cotton wool. It felt unnerving and uncomfortable.

I dry coughed for a while, cursing myself silently for not bringing my lozenges. I sighed and looked at my books for a moment my dry eyes begging for a dose of eye drops. I looked up when I heard Nicholas's voice shrilling up and I jerked my heavy head up for a moment. Nick looked at me curiously and I sighed. I turned back my focus towards the teacher and that was when my teacher asked her question. "What is the formula for water?" she asked me. My head racked for an answer and thank goodness I found it! H2O. I cheered silently but then I asked myself. What was H2O?!! Oh yup. H to O. I replied confidently. "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." the students around me hooted with laughter and I looked around and laughed too unaware I was the butt of the joke. The teacher frowned at me but I could see a smile at the corner of her lips and my sickness disappeared and when I was able to think clearly I just went, DANG IT! Lolz.

True friends+Laughter=BFFs forever!

The sound of carefree laughter floated down in the classroom, catching amazed glances from a few curious and bored students. The ever good ketua kelas was laughing so loudly with his own special gang of good friends. His eyes glittered with amusement as Spiff related his full of anticipation stories about his pervert expeditions to his sisters room. Nicholas stifled his laughter and tried to regain his composure. His face showed a mask of calm but cracked when he heard another tale from Spiff.

"Sister had huge sized bumps on her chest that raised chills. Bigger than any other girl. Lolz," Spiff added as Jade and Siew Mun snorted in laughter. Nicholas tried to turn his ears away from the attracting bees to honey conversation and sighed as he brought the class to order.

Even a short laugh brought a smile to his face and made his day brighter. Indeed. Laughter was certainly the best medicine ever! Hooray to I Genesis and all its wacko participants!

You+Me..Perfect? Or a lethal poison?

"Hold up," A pale but otherwise perfect in any other feature told her friend harshly as she saw her crushboy advancing towards her. The words like love floated in her eyes when she saw him. Her friend followed her gaze and smirked when she saw the guy. "Hey there Tony!" her friend called in her most obnoxious voice. Her eyes widened in hurt when she saw her crush walking tauntingly towards her friend. It was the first time when she did not feel happy to see him at all. Her friend planted a huge kiss on his cheek and her heart went flop to the soles of her new adidas sneakers. "I guess I would be crushed now." she whispered as tears fell from her cheeks and then her dream came true. Tony leaned down and wiped her tears away. "Don't cry, crying stuffs your eyes, makes you sniffle and makes me love you even less. Crying doesn't solve anything. Cry for a reason. Not for me." Tony said firmly as she sighed. She knew he was right. Crying didn't solve anything.

Life is ups and downs. In and out like a sock. Never give up life. Love again, live again. Life is a game and a life lesson. Cherish it while you can. Tell someone you love them before it is too late.

Friend+Love what a combination!

"Urgh!Talk talk talk. Breate in and out. Practice...smile and pretend to be nervous. No TMGAing okay?" I told my friend fiercely as I performed a very impressive eyeroll at her direction. I sighed. Tutoring a friend on love was so like...urm...tough work? haha. Anyway, back to the lesson. Love was Heartaching, Heartbreaking. Maybe that is why a crush was called a crush.

You must land bump at the end of the day. Urgh. Love why does it exist? Is it a figment of our imagination? Maybe not. Love...hmmm...

Anyways, back to Cherry darling and her 'beloved' Dicky. Haha. Goosebumpy I know. Haha. A sissy and a nice sweet (not yet fully potentialised) girl. Hmmm...interesting. I got a song for you, Cherry darling. I hope it gives you courage.

ev'ry day with you, girl is sweeter than the day before
ev'ry day I love you more and more, and more, and more,

They're sayin' that all good things must come to an end,
But girl, it isn't true; each day with you I fell in love again

And when I go to sleep at night time,
Tomorrow's what I'm prayin' for
Cause ev'ryday with you girl is sweeter than the day before.

To guys and girls who think they are ugly, and worthless. well you are not! Tomorrow is always a new day. So enjoy the moment and live life to its fullest!

About My Life and Its ups and downs

I recently got in love. Highly and addictingly in love with a big capital LOVE. Haha. I must be boring you to bits with my lovey dovey talk. I am totally in love. I can be in love with a ghost and still yet be insanely in love like this. It helps when you have trustable friends to hang onto and not those sick female species now a days. It makes me sick. I can't believe guys are falling for their act. Their brainless souless expressionless acts that involves TMGA problems. (TMGA:Totally Maniacal Girl Attitude) Haha. If I were a guy. A totally handsome dashing one(in that case is never going to happen) I am going to slap around any girls who act like they have TMGA problems back into shape. I pity those fat, cute, cross eyed girls who get ignored because tonnes of guys look in another direction which spells Heartache, Divorce and Pain. Welcome to my world friends. My world. HDP. Not HD nor HP. Just HDP. Heartache, Divorce and Pain.